Recently, a troubling trend has emerged on social media: jokes and memes suggesting that all wives are potential murderers and that husbands should beware of their spouses. This narrative, fueled by a few heinous crimes involving women and their partners, is being spread widely as entertainment, with even women participating in the banter. Slogans about the “nature of women” are echoing everywhere, and soon, it seems, women may be declared the arch-enemies of men.

However, this narrative ignores several uncomfortable truths. In many of these murders, male accomplices were also involved, but no one wants to talk about that—perhaps because it would spoil the fun, ruin the memes, and hinder the ongoing mission to shame women. In reality, statistics show that men are far more often the perpetrators of marital murders, but society has normalized this violence to the point where it is barely discussed.

Uncle figures who force their daughters into marriages of their choosing are now anxious about dowries. Mothers who emotionally blackmail their sons into breaking up with girlfriends are living in fear. Men who abandon their partners after years of relationships, citing caste and community, are worried. Women who refuse to accept unemployed lovers as husbands and instead marry government officers are restless. Yet, despite the recent murders, no man has refused to marry out of fear. Instead, some have demanded that, along with horoscopes, girls’ call records should also be checked before marriage. I say, why not? But let’s check both girls’ and boys’ call records—after all, women aren’t the only ones capable of such crimes.

The fact is, both men and women have been victims and perpetrators of marital murders, often due to extramarital affairs. To blame only one gender is foolish. If a man kills his wife because of an affair, isn’t another woman indirectly involved? Similarly, if a woman kills her husband for the same reason, can men be completely absolved?

Indian society is patriarchal and anti-women. It wants to keep women in a constant state of guilt because it makes them easier to control and dominate. Fearless, questioning women are not liked because they might inspire others to be the same, and that is a threat to the status quo. The truth is, if we were to check the call records and inboxes of those who criticize women online, few would be found spotless.

The majority of jobs and social media accounts in India are in the hands of men, giving them the power to insult and shame women at will. Instead of slinging mud at each other, we need to focus on finding solutions. If a relationship isn’t working, it’s better to separate and live peacefully than to end up in jail for a crime. Don’t worry about society’s opinion—it already knows about your problems, and its own situation is no better.

Save your peace of mind. If things aren’t working out, separate. It’s far better than stuffing each other into drums or suitcases.

Blaming only women or only men for marital crimes is not just unfair, it is dangerous. Society must move beyond gendered blame games and focus on equality, accountability, and peaceful solutions.